Some people pledge to complete a goal and immediately dive into the eye of the hurricane.  They are energized by the rush and intensity of what they want to achieve.  I’m not one of those people.  I ponder and analyze and doubt.  I explore all the options in my head before I take action.  I take baby steps..and sometimes two steps forward, and one step back.

As I look back at my “training journal” I’m a little disappointed at how little training has actually been going on.  When I started my running and writing adventure one month ago, I was extremely motivated.  The running was actually relatively easy at first, perhaps spurred on by pure adrenaline.  I’m still motivated, but the rose-colored glasses are slipping off.  Training is no joke.  I have to make a real commitment to my goal.  Two or three times a week is not enough.  Being tired or not feeling like it are lame excuses..that I’ve been using a lot of the time.  It’s ultimately a childish way of thinking.  If I want to seriously train, I have to grow up.

Even at this early phase, I can already see that when I slack off on training, the next time I run is tougher.  This happened when one week I only ran once.  I have some great excuses-it was the week of Thanksgiving after all 🙂  But the excuses won’t matter when I’m trying to finish a race.  Even though I’m trying to instill some self-discipline, I have to be careful not to be so tough on myself.  The drill sergeant attitude might work for some people, but not for me.  At the risk of sounding too new agey, I need to practice more self-compassion and less self-flagellation.  Where’s the right balance between pushing myself and taking it easy?  I’m learning through trial and error.  Maybe I won’t succeed, maybe I will.  I’m beginning to see how training for a marathon is really a metaphor for living life.  And it’s just the tip of the iceberg so far.

I’ve studied enough psychology to know that change only happens when you accept yourself.  I’m an introspective thinker who needs to take baby steps.  So what?  Our world would be a lot better if more people took the time to think before they take action 🙂  I will set small goals…push myself..make mistakes..forgive myself..and keep running.

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